Being Me

You walk around with a smile all day. You’re hurting inside, but you don’t let anyone else see it. When you’re alone, you cry out in desperate need. You need love, companionship, healing. You need peace. 

I have felt this way many times, many days. Not feeling well? Doesn’t matter. Get up, get dressed, and get going. Don’t let anyone see you’re vulnerable. Let everyone think you’ve got it all together. You’re happy- joyful even. But when you’re alone, are you still joyful? Do you still “have it all together”? Probably not. I know I don’t. 

It’s hard to be vulnerable. Even with the 80 or so sisters that I have been blessed with through RSC, it’s extremely hard to be vulnerable with them-even though I know that I will not be judged. I know that they will love me no matter what! But still, it’s hard. 

Sometimes, when we think of being vulnerable, we think we are being weak. It’s like a big wall of pride that we have put up to protect ourselves. You think of yourself as being strong enough to handle it. You don’t need anyone else, right? Well, you’re wrong. 

I believe that we were made for community, not isolation! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” 

Philippians 2:1-4 says, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

I believe that scripture is telling us that life is designed for companionship! We were not meant to handle life on our own. So, it’s okay to be vulnerable. According to Philippians, our brothers and sisters in Christ should care for the problems of others as if they were their own problems. This means you do the same for them. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Something that really stands out to me here is humility. To me, humility means (you may have heard this before) not necessarily thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Remember that your needs are important, but so are the needs of those around you. The best example of a humble person that I can think of Christ Himself. “‘He himself bore our sins’ in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.'”-1 Peter 2:24

Philippians continues, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross!”-Philippians 2:5-8

What a friend we have in Jesus. Literally. There is no greater love than one who lays down his life for a friend.

So I say all of this to say, be vulnerable. Allow others to see what’s going on. God has placed people in your life for a reason! Allow Him to use them, and to use you. You never know, someone may be feeling the exact same way you are, and they just needed to know they weren’t alone.
On days that I really don’t feel good, it’s hard to say that I’m “doing good” when someone asks me how I am. And granted, that’s normally what I say. But I’m learning it’s okay to ask for prayer-it doesn’t have to be for anything specific-just let them know you need it. I’ve learned people like the feeling of knowing you can come to them. Of course, there are plenty of situations where you just say, “I’m good,” and that’s all you can say. But when it’s needed, be vulnerable.

Lately, I’ve been going through a rough patch. Relationships with friends and even family members have been strained. I’m drained-emotionally, physically, and mentally. Nothing seems to be constant in my life-except for my Jesus. I am thanking Him for showering me with His presence daily. Even when my heart is breaking, for whatever reason, I feel Him near. His love carries me through the day. A song that I have recently come to love is called “I Can Just Be Me” by Laura Story. Laura is a favorite of mine as the first song I ever performed on stage was one of hers. Her words and her voice just speak to me. God has really used her in my life. I want to share the lyrics to this song with you, as well as the song itself.

In this song, Laura talks about trying to “hold it all together” and trying to be brave, but it’s not who she is. She becomes completely vulnerable with her listeners and with God, as she asks God to be her everything. This song is what I listen to when I’m having a hard day. When I feel rejected by a friend, when I feel as if I’m unloved or unwanted, or when I feel like no one cares. God has used this song to remind me that He is my everything and that I can run to Him. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” It seems God has been using this verse to remind me of who He is as I face difficult situations and emotions. My God is my rock. I can rest in Him.

“I Can Just Be Me”

I’ve been doing all that I can
To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I’ve been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It’s just not me.

So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

I’ve been living like an orphan,
Trying to belong here,
But it’s just not my home.
I’ve been holding on so tightly,
To all the things that I think
Could satisfy my soul.
But I’m letting go…

So be my father, my mighty warrior, be my king.
Cause I can be scattered, frail and shattered,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

Cause I was lost in this dark world
Until I was finally found in You
So now I’m needing, desperately pleading
Oh Lord, be all to me

And be my savior, be my lifeline, won’t You be my everything.
Cause I’m so tired of trying to be someone
I was never meant to be
Be my God
Please be my God
Be my God
So I can just be me
So I can just be me
I can just be me.

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