Earlier today, I went to see the new movie “The Fault in Our Stars” with my sister and my best friend. Everyone I know has raved about the movie and how good it is, so we were excited to finally be seeing it. I made sure to bring Kleenex as I knew my friend and I would be crying the entire time.
If you haven’t seen this new movie, or even read the book by John Green (I’ve read until page 8…), I want to caution you in reading this blog post. I will do my best not to give too much away, however, in order to explain why I’m writing this post, some things might need to be revealed.
Hazel Grace, the 17 year old star of this fictional story, has cancer. This movie (and book) is her story. But not just hers. As we see later on, it’s the story of Augustus Waters as well. Augustus, or Gus, as he is so affectionately called, also has cancer, but is in remission. During the movie, we grew to love Gus and Hazel as a couple, and we cheered as they had their first kiss. We cried as they supported one another in their daily battles with cancer. We laughed as they enjoyed the little things in life, together.
You may be wondering why I’m writing an entire post about a movie. Well, my heart broke when it was revealed that Hazel had a type of lung cancer. Her best friend was her oxygen tank. She became out of breath easily. I watched with tears in my eyes as Hazel’s story became my story. She was afraid to fall in love in fear of hurting those around her. Hazel was strong and courageous in her fight. She tried not to let her disease become her limitation.
Hazel Grace’s enemy was a flight of stairs. Stupid stairs. I can honestly say that it really hits you when you’re out of breath after going up a flight of stairs. (It’s something that I try to push to the back of my mind).
Of course, Hazel doesn’t cough often, and she doesn’t need to take enzymes with ever meal or even do breathing treatments, but we each have our own battle to win-no matter the disease.
When I was Hazel’s age, I felt the same way she did. I was afraid to fall in love or give my heart to someone else. I was afraid to start a family in fear of leaving them behind full of heartache. But if you know my story (which is in one of my earlier blog posts), then you know I no longer feel this way. The Lord has worked in my heart over the last couple of years and I know that He has a plan for me. Whether or not His plan involves me starting a family or getting married, it doesn’t matter. My only goal should be to glorify Him through anything and everything I do. As a young woman with friends that are getting married left and right, it is sometimes hard to be content with where I am in life. However, God uses little moments with Him and other young women in the same situation to remind me of who I am-and I am His.
So as I walked out of the movie theater with makeup running and tears still lingering in the small corners of my eyelids, I thanked God for renewing my heart and for giving me life. No matter what comes, I know that The Lord is always with me and that His timing is perfect. I pray daily for patience and trust as I wait upon The Lord.
I am grateful for the moments when The Lord reminds me that I am limited. I cannot do this on my own. Without God, I am nothing. Without Him, I would be afraid, lost, and ashamed. But with Him, I am redeemed, courageous, bold, and loved. What an honor to serve Him-my Rock, my Fortress, and my Healer.
There is no fault in my stars, because of who God is to me.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13