Currently, I’m laying in bed with my hot cup of tea. It’s not coffee, but it’s decaf so I can sleep. My sister had this great idea of starting a “Coffee Shop Series”. When I feel inspired, I will add to the series. So welcome to the CF Coffee Shop…Part one!
It’s been a while since I have written a truly personal post. Yes, I’ve told you all of the details about each of my CF care appointments, but sometimes I just need to write about what I’ve been thinking about and what has been going through my mind. Recently,cystic fibrosis has been on my mind quite often. A few weeks ago, I was contacted about something very exciting related to my story with cystic fibrosis. But, I’m keeping it a surprise just a little while longer until I get more information… It’s been so hard keeping this a secret!
One of the graduate classes I am taking this semester has also increased how much I think about CF. This class is all about the gastrointestinal (GI) system-which I find truly fascinating. For our final project, we are making up a case study to present to our classmates. Which GI-related disease did I choose? You guessed it-cystic fibrosis.
I find it so important to increase others’ awareness about CF and the nutritional complications that surround this disease. Who knows, the others in my class may wind up working with CF patients one day!
It seems that CF has just been on my mind more often than not. Most of the time, it’s a good thing and it does not bother me to think about it. I am constantly looking at the CF Foundation’s Facebook page for new updates and blog posts from other CFer’s out there. I’m getting emails and updates about the CF Great Strides walk coming up in May of this year. I have also had many opportunities recently to share my tale of living with CF and my feeding tube and I get asked so many questions-all of which I am more than happy to answer! CF isn’t going away.
More recently though, as of just a few hours ago, death has also been on my mind.
Have you ever noticed, that when things seem to be going well for you and all is good, somehow Satan sneaks in streaks of bad. He leaves a trail wherever He has been…Thankfully, I can sense Him most of the time.
Things have been going so well for me lately-I’ve been feeling great, I go to the gym 4-5 times a week now, I’m gaining weight, I’m sharing my story, I’m raising awareness, I’m getting married in 5 months (omg omg omg omg!!), and I’m really enjoying my job and my internship (started my first rotation this week-woohoo!). But Satan has stepped in and has made me think of death. Ugh.
Earlier this evening, I read a blog about the importance of a positive attitude when living with cystic fibrosis (or any affliction really). I shared this blog post on my Facebook page, and you can read it Here.
Everything this young woman shared, I completely agreed with. In my opinion, having a positive attitude while living with this chronic illness is half the battle. If you know my story (and if you don’t, feel free to read any of my previous posts-it’s in there somewhere!), then you know I struggled with depression at one point because of CF. I was letting Satan have a foothold in that area of my life, and because CF has such a big impact in my life, Satan was gaining an even greater foothold than I thought possible. But the Lord used some wonderful people to lead me back to Jesus. I realized the purpose for my life that God had had for me all along, and I began to live it out.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t let my guard down sometimes.
Cystic fibrosis is a chronic, life-threatening illness. This means that CF does not go away, and it can kill me. That’s some scary stuff. It scares me just thinking about it. That’s why having a positive attitude is so important!
I have to remember that I can die from other things too- like a car crash (there are some crazy drivers in West Texas…myself included sometimes…). This allows me to put things into perspective.
Yes, I can die from cystic fibrosis. This is a reality. If that happens, it could be years from now. I may need a lung transplant or two to save my life. But eventually, there is only so much modern medicine can do, right? CF can kill. Like I said before, it’s really scary thinking that I live with something that can kill me. Then again, living with something EVERY DAY that can kill me, yet I’m still alive, makes me a survivor. Not only a survivor, but a warrior.
Dictionary.com defines a warrior as, “
If you live with anything that you have to fight against every day, I think that shows vigor, courage, and aggressiveness-don’t you?
So yes, I consider myself a warrior against cystic fibrosis. Just like Paul in the bible, I too, have a “thorn in my side (or lung…hahaha)”. But I choose the positive attitude because that’s also how Jesus ultimately chose to deal with His death on the cross for our sins. He willingly laid down His life so that we might live. He did it for our good and not His own.
I choose to glorify God while I live with CF, because that’s what I am called to do. So when Satan gets me thinking about death and leaving behind my soon-to-be husband, my family, and my friends, I force myself to relinquish those thoughts to God so I can focus on the truth-I’m alive and I’m living a wonderful life. Death doesn’t have to be scary for me, because when I die, I’m going home to see Jesus-and CF can go to hell.