When CF Has Limitations

It’s hard to believe it has been a little over two months since I have written. A few days ago, I realized that I really needed to sit down and write. Since I last wrote in March, I turned 23 in April and started my dietetic internship full time. It has been quite the journey! Jason and I also adopted a sweet, sweet Chihuahua/Rat Terrier mix just a few days before my birthday in April. We named her Meredith, after one of my favorite characters from Grey’s Anatomy. When she is in trouble, her name is Meredith Ann. She loves to cuddle, run circles, and give kisses! We love her deeply. I just wanted to touch on what has been going on in my life recently.

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June 6th, coming up in about a week, will mark two months until I marry my fiance! Jason just graduated last weekend with his bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering. He graduated Summa Cum Laude (4.0 GPA) and with honors. I am immensely proud of him! He started at Parkhill Smith and Cooper this past Monday full time as an engineer. So far I think he is enjoying it!

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Speaking of Jason and the wedding, one of the local news stations here in Lubbock asked to do a story on Jason and I. Jason’s dad is the chief meteorologist at KCBD, and he started getting one of the anchors interested in our story. Karin McKay contacted me in April about the story, and she came to film early May. The story turned out great, and really made me cry! We are so thankful for the opportunity to share the story of our relationship and my story with CF. It is an honor to give hope to others living with CF and raise awareness for the disease as well. You can watch the story here.

Just a couple of days ago, I got a phone call from the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. They have asked me to serve on a committee for a pilot mentor program for adults with CF. I will be a part of “practicing” as a mentor for other adults with CF who may have questions or need someone to talk to. They will specifically be sent to me if they have any questions or concerns about feeding tubes, which is my specialty! I am so excited, and so honored to be a part of this! They hope to make the program available to all adults with CF at the one-year mark. Such a cool opportunity and I can’t wait to share more about it!

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A few member of Team Jordan at the CF Walk this year!

Speaking of the CF Foundation, if you didn’t already know, they asked me to write a blog for them that was published in March. The CFF also came down from Maryland and produced a video on my story living with CF and the feeding tube. You can find the link to the blog post here, and the link to the CF Video here. It seems the media really loves me, but I’m not sure why!

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, it’s just two months until Jason and I are married. We are SO excited, as we have already been engaged ten months. It’s both a blessing and a curse to have a year-long engagement. It has rarely been stressful with planning, but we are just ready to be married at this point. I’m at the point where I don’t really care about too many things regarding the wedding anymore. I have an opinion on some things that are important, but for the most part, I’m telling people to just do whatever! All that matters is that I’m getting married to the man of my dreams. The Lord is so good and so faithful to be giving me this!

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On this note, it’s time to get a little personal.

They say right after you get married, people start asking about kids. If you have known me for a long time, you know that I have wanted to eventually become a mom since I was a little girl. I used to play “house” with my younger sister almost every day. I would dress her up in diapers, and make her be my little baby. She didn’t enjoy it, but I sure did! When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell them I wanted to be a mom (and a teacher at that point).

When I was in high school, I struggled with the desire to marry and raise a family. I feared I would not live long enough to do so. But the Lord slowly worked on my heart, and I began to overcome that fear. Then I met Jason!

I posted a few months ago about talking to my doctor about birth control. It was decided that I would get off of Orkambi so I could be on the pill. So I visited my lovely lady doctor about two months ago and started birth control. Since then, the Lord has been doing something in my heart and in my mind.

Recently, as I have been preparing for marriage and have started birth control, I have received a lot of advice and heard a lot of stories from other women about sex, birth control, and pregnancy. It really got me thinking. Hard.

I began to think of all of the things that could go wrong with pregnancy. Living with CF, my little body can handle a lot, but not too much. I have learned that pregnancy can do many things to a woman’s body, and a lot of the time, these things aren’t fun or easy to deal with (I’m sure all the moms out there can attest to this!). So I began to do a lot of research, thinking, and a lot of praying.

I started talking to Jason about my thoughts as well, just so he would know what was going through my mind.

I started to think that it would be selfish of me to become pregnant. I want so badly to have kids, and to have them look like me. I want them to have Jason’s nose and my eyes.I want them to laugh like me, and to have Jason’s calm, endearing personality.

But I also want to live long enough to see my kids grow up and reach new milestones. I do not want to put my babies in danger, just because I chose to carry them. Living with CF and having a lower BMI can hinder my ability to carry healthy babies and be a healthy mom. I do realize that there are a lot of women with CF who have children and are perfectly healthy. I have talked to my doctor about this previously, and he sees no problem with me having kids in the future.

So I kept praying.

Jason and I talked about it, and I asked him how he would feel about adoption. Jason smiled as he took my hand and kissed it. He was all for it.

Let me just point out, Jason and I do not want children right after we are married. We want to just enjoy being married and being together. But I think it is so important to talk about these things now-especially before marriage!

Now that I have had adoption on my mind, it seems to be showing up in my every day life more often. I see moms with adopted children when I’m out shopping; I see stories of adoption on Facebook and social media; it’s even mentioned on television shows I watch. Just the other night, Jason and I were discussing this topic on the way to some friends’ going-away party. Not 30 minutes after we had arrived, a young couple arrived with their three children they had just adopted not long ago. Jason and I looked at each other in disbelief. Could this be what the Lord wants for us? We believe it is.

Jason and I have made the decision to trust the Lord on this and see where He leads us. We aren’t in any rush! But we both have a huge heart for children. I’ve had a heart for adoption since I wanted to be a mom as a little girl. I never thought it would be something that I would really be thinking about. Sitting here writing about this, I am in tears.

I am struggling with the thought of not having my own children. I am honestly very sad. It is so easy for someone that is fighting CF to say that, “CF has no limits”. I say it all the time. But in reality, there may be some limits, depending on the person and their situation. For me, this is one of my limits.

But you know what? I am okay with that. Thinking of adoption brings so much joy to my heart! Jason and I are excited for what the future holds for us. My parents and my sister have been very supportive of this decision, and they know what it means to me. Adoption is so sweet, and such an amazing gift from God. To me, adoption is a story of redemption. The Lord has rescued me from the dirty path of sin, and has adopted me as His own. Jason and I hope to bring joy to a little boy or girl one day in that same way.

I hope that you will join Jason, my family and I in prayer, as this decision was not easy and is still difficult.We welcome any encouragement you may have, even though children are a ways off for us. Pray for wisdom and guidance, and that our hearts will be ready for what the Lord has for us as we begin married life in August and for forever! We are so grateful for our wonderful support system. Thank you in advance!

 

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