Just a few days ago, I got an email from a casting company based in New York City. They contacted me asking if I wanted to be involved in a documentary project about people living with cystic fibrosis. I filled out the questionnaire, and actually had a skype “audition” the other day.
I wasn’t sure what to expect with the audition. But the woman I skyped with was extremely nice. She asked me basically just to tell her my story living with CF. So that’s what I did.
I started from when I was diagnosed at 11 months. I continued with how I grew up healthy-my lung function mainly stayed above 100% and I was not in the hospital after 5 years old.
Until my Freshman year of high school.
I explained to her that I was a typical stubborn teenager and I wanted to be “normal”. No one else had to take pills before they ate or had to wake up an hour earlier just to do treatments and take extra pills. So I stopped.
Then I started to cough. A lot. I was not used to that, but I didn’t care.
I started hiding pills behind my bed and the refrigerator. I washed out my nebulizers to trick my parents into thinking I had done my treatments, but I really hadn’t.
I wasted money. I let my lung function decline.I hurt my parents.
My parents tried to tell me so many times. My mom initially tried to make me realize the damage I was doing, but eventually, it came to down her begging me to do my treatments and take my pills. But my stubborn butt said no. I didn’t care what my parents told me. I didn’t care what my doctors told me- that my lung function would decline, I would need a lung transplant, and I was putting myself at risk of dying an early death.
Jessica, the lady that auditioned me, asked me, “What would you have told your younger self now that you know what you should have been doing?”
I didn’t even have to think about it.
“I would have told myself to grow up.”
I had so much pride that I was putting myself in danger. I wish I had known that it was time to just grow up, be mature, and do what was right for myself.
I’m so thankful that God worked on my heart and changed my attitude and perspective. He showed me that I had two choices: to not do my treatments and die, or do what I was supposed to and live the “normal” life I so desperately desired. So I chose the latter.
Do I regret it?
I’m getting married in 3 weeks. I have a wonderful, supportive family and fiance. I have the cutest dog. I’m pursuing my dream career as a registered dietitian. I’m active in the CF Foundation, which means I’m helping others living with this disease. This is my life. This is the life I get to live because I chose to grow up and listen to those that care about me.
I know this post was a little different from other ones, but I just felt like I really needed to share what God has laid on my heart. I’m so grateful for my support system. I’m grateful that they push me when I need to be pushed, and love me no matter what.
Disobedience has a price. Remember that.